A Beautiful Service for a Beautiful Woman

I have been avoiding a blog entry about mom's Celebration of Life.  I have been wanting to write about  it, but I don't know where to start.  For those of you from out of the area, or who weren't able to attend the service, there were approximately 800 people who came to celebrate her life.  Mom's freind, Shelly, helped us create a wonderful slideshow of photos.  Nancy Lee Grahn sent us a home video she filmed while visiting my family in 2007 and we played that video at the service as well.  I wanted to speak but I didn't think I could make it thru without crying so I asked mom's good friend, Pastor Mitch, to read my thoughts.  I have received a few emails from people who were there who have asked me to post my speech on the blog.  So, I will leave you with my thoughts.

"When our father died last April we were on over-load.  We were trying to make funeral arrangements for dad while still focusing on mom’s health and emotional well-being.  When his service came, we discussed the idea of speaking but no one felt they could make it thru the speech without crying.  So we passed on the opportunity.  Now, only 18 months later, as we prepared the celebration of life service for our mom, we find ourselves in the same predicament.  I don’t want to look back later with regrets so here goes…. 

I am blessed.  My family is blessed.  Don’t be sad for us.  Although my mom’s time on this earth was much shorter than we would have liked, Doreen was my mom, and that in itself is a gift.  Many of you under the age of 35 thought of her as your “other mom” but we were the lucky ones…. and we never took that for granted.

You learn a lot about someone when they come face to face with the life and death struggle of a disease like cancer.  From an emotional perspective, cancer is one of the most devastating pronouncements a person can receive.  You find yourself living outside of the physical realm of reality at times….But, the truth is, when you hear the word “cancer” you have an immediate choice to make.  You can get caught up in the idea that you might be dying…. Or you can get busy living.  What happens to you in life is usually not within your control, but how you respond to those things most certainly is.

I don’t want to talk about the things I have lost these past few years….I want to focus on what I have gained.  I learned early on that the character traits worth having are those you acquire at the cost of personnel sacrifice.  We have all sacrificed during these difficult times but I wouldn’t change one step I have taken on this path.  We have been living in the moment while still focusing on the big picture.  Life did not pass us by.

My mom will be fondly remembered for the compassion in her heart.  She loved and respected everyone, regardless of their differences.  Her kindness and encouragement to others makes for a legacy that will remain long after her death… and for that we are grateful.

There are a lot of young people in the room today, which shouldn’t surprise anyone.  She loved kids, and young adults.  She valued everyone, regardless of their age and she made them feel important.  She especially loved the inspirational kids who might not be the star athlete but the ones with the best attitudes, who made their teammates and friends better people.  Those are the kids she loved the most, and those are the kind of kids we will continue to support and mentor, just as my mom would want us to.

She taught me… the kind of person I am is a matter of my character, not my circumstances.  And I learned that from the best.  When my mom could not change her circumstances, she chose to change her perspective about them.  She didn’t view cancer as a curse, she viewed life as an amazing gift.

My mom inspired me to do better… to be kinder… and be more patient.  She taught me to give more, and take less.  She would encourage all of us to motivate others and take the time to mentor young people.  I think she would also encourage us to volunteer our time…. Or at least a smile… to people who might not expect it, but probably need it the most.  Because… the truth is, no one was a stranger to my mom, they were simply a friend she hadn’t met yet.

I learned that tough times will either break you, or they will make you.  I think it’s fair to say we’ve had a few moments of each, but we did more “making” than “breaking”.  Although I was slow to give into the idea that some things in life can’t be fixed…. life became much easier when I finally accepted that the only thing in the world I could change was my view on life.

Mom made me realize that if you’re not doing something every day to make someone else’s life better, you are wasting precious time that could be spent improving your family, your community, and yourself.  I hope we all get the chance to live like we are dying someday, because from where I’m standing, it’s a blessing in disguise. 

I am not consumed by the fact she has died, I am simply grateful that she lived.  I would choose quality of life over quantity of days, whenever given the opportunity.  I believe the greater loss is not for those of us who knew her, but for those who did not.  My sadness is for the children who will never sit on her lap and giggle as she speaks to them in her “Donald Duck” voice… or the young adults who won’t get to hear one of her heart felt talks about what it means to be a good friend… or a good parent.

Throughout this process I have learned that when we believe life won’t give us more than we can bear; we can bear so much more than we thought possible.

On behalf of my family, I want to express our sincere gratitude for your out-pouring of support, love, and heartfelt sympathy during this difficult time.  We ask that you dry your eyes, keep your head up, and smile…. That’s what mom would want."

Dreaming Big-
Amy

Quote of the Day

A few weeks ago, while at mom's house, I started reading a book I found on her bookshelf.  The book is called "Saving Graces," by Elizabeth Edwards.  I only made it a little ways into the book before things got worse with mom and I put the book down.  This morning, I picked up the book and it made me sad for a minute.  It brought back the memory of where I was when I started reading the book.  It brought back the reminder that I was reading a book about a woman with cancer.  When I opened the book I noticed something I hadn't noticed before.  On the bookmark, in my mom's handwriting, it said, "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."  I'm not sure why I hadn't noticed that before, but I do know that I love my new bookmark and look forward to finishing this inspiring book. 

Thanks for the quote mom...
Amy

Dreaming Big, Living Large

Attached is an article that was in today's Stanwood Newspaper, written by Jeremiah O'Hagen.  I thought those of you from out of town would appreciate a chance to read it.
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When Doreen Schmitt passed away last week, it wasn't a death so much as a miracle.

Schmitt was diagnosed with stage-four, non-smoking lung cancer in April 2006.  She wasn't supposed to live for five-and-a-half more years.  But did she ever.

Scroll through her blogs (cancersurvivor2006.blogspot.com ; imaginenocancer.blogspot.com) and you will lose yourself in a woman's insatiable appetite for life.

You might also cry.

"I woke up this morning feeling really scared for the first time," she typed on April 30, 2006.  "I looked in the mirror and I saw Doreen... and then I remembered the 'C' word.  I remembered how 11 days ago I was just living a normal life and then it all changed."

But you will also laugh and rediscover with her the simple pleasures of wearing flip-flops ("life's too short not to"), or of Copper River salmon, or of a reunion with 8 former cheerleaders.

"We laughed about the past, talked of the present, and dreamed about the future," Schmitt wrote the next day.

And you will learn, really feel it in your guts, that when Schmitt dreamed about the future, she dreamed of life so full her arms couldn't contain it.

So, she spilled in onto her family and friends.

"My mom's story is about family, not cancer," said Amy Schmitt.  "She was very grateful for the opportunity to become an advocate for living life to the fullest."

Schmitt's other daughter, Angie, said, "In many ways, (her final years were) more inspiring than sad.  It can make you or break you- it made us."

Not that watching Schmitt get sick didn't break hearts.  And after Schmitt was diagnosed, her husband Rick found out he had cancer, too.  He died 18 months ago.

"We were just getting over that, and now mom's gone, too," Angie said.  "A tough part of it is the permanence piece."

If loss is permanent, good can be, too, and Schmitt lived that belief, infusing her world with energy and grace.

"If you were to poll the audience (at her memorial service), you'd find many people who would say that she was their best friend,"  Angie said.  "She was so welcoming to everybody.  She didn't judge people.  As my sister said, there were no strangers to my mom, only friends she hadn't met yet."

"She was as much of a role model for adults as she was for children," Amy said.  "I think of her laugh, and that infectious smile that lit up the room.  And, although it doesn't seem real that she isn't coming home, I find joy in knowing she's no longer in pain."

Schmitt most often signed off her blogs, "Dreaming Big."  Over the last months, she took to typing, "Love you more."  Between the two sentiments, you find a life.

Angie said her mom's goal was always, always, to "beat this disease." 

"She was a person with cancer, "Angie said, "She was not a cancer patient.  She didn't let it define her."

Schmitt didn't beat death.  No one does.

But, wielding unflagging optimism, voluminouss love and profound commitment to dreams, to leaving something precious and vital in her wake, Doreen Schmitt beat cancer.


(Staff Reporter Jeremiah O'Hagen: (360) 629-8066 Ext 125 or ohagan@scnews.com)



Loving you more... when you're dreaming big....
Amy

Questions Answered

We would like to thank you all for the support over the past two days. This is a difficult time for us but we are working together to create a celebration of life service that will honor the wonderful woman that mom was. We have been asked the same two questions over and over during the last 24 hours so we thought we would answer both question for everyone to hear. First, if you want to make a donation in my mom's name you can send it to the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation, 1100 Industrial Road, Suite 1, San Carlos, CA 94070. Next, if you are one of those people looking to bring a food dish to the service on Saturday we are still in need of some salads. Please do not bring your salad in your favorite bowl, just in case it gets accidentally misplaced by the crew working in the kitchen that day.

There will be a public viewing at Gilberton's Funeral Home on Thursday October 13 at 9:00 AM and it will continue through Friday at closing. Contact Gilbertson's at 360-629-2101 for more details.

Thanks again for your support of our family during this challenging time,
Angie

Doreen Lynn Schmitt: May 30, 1958- October 11, 2011

It's with great sadness that we tell you Mom lost her battle with cancer earlier today. She was such a fighter and a huge inspiration for all of us. As we begin the mourning process and prepare funeral arrangements we ask that you keep her family and friends in your thoughts and prayers. This has been a difficult path to follow the past 5 years, but we have grown significantly in the process. In losing our mom we know we have gained many true friends along the way. Thank you for supporting all of us through good times and bad.

Sincerely-
The luckiest Kids in the World


Funeral Services will be held at the Camano Chapel on Camano Island, Saturday October 15th at 1100, with a luncheon to follow. A private burial will take place at Anderson Cemetary in Stanwood.

Camano Chapel
867 SW Camano Drive
Camano Island, WA 98282

A public viewing will take place on Friday at Gilbertson's Funeral home in Stanwood. Call Gilbertson's for more details. (360) 629-2101.

If you want to share a story or memory about Doreen with us kids, please email Pastor Mich Michl at michmichl@camanochapel.org

Being Tested

Tonight I am struggling to write.  I have stared at the screen for 5 minutes.  I have changed the title numerous times.  I am standing on the invisible fence, not sure which way to jump.  I can jump to one side and tell you that we are continuing to hope for the best as we enjoy every second we have with mom.  All of which is true.  Or I can be real and tell you how things have been the past few days.  I am torn because I know there are people who get hope from this blog, but there are others who want us to be honest and paint an accurate picture of how cancer can change lives.  I will do my best to be brutally honest while still allowing my mom the dignity of some privacy in her final days.

The truth of the matter is that my mom is not ready to die.  She has too much fight in her.  Although last week she was showing many signs that the end was imminently near, she has since experienced many additional changes.  Her breathing has stabilized somewhat.  She rarely complains of pain.  She went from being unable to eat or drink to asking for small meals and lots of water.  She went from laying in bed sleeping all the time to sometimes sitting in a chair and often talking with us.  All of those things sound great, but here is the catch.  Although her end of life symptoms have stabilized, other things have gotten worse.

The tumors in her brain have causes many of the behavior changes we are experiencing.  She has surges of energy but they are spent trying to get out of bed on legs that aren't stable enough to walk.  She talks a lot, but it is usually all night long and throughout most of the day and quite often she doesn't make any sense.  She is experiencing cranial pressure from the swelling in her brain.  It appears to be affecting her walking, talking, eyesight, and many other functions.  It is similar to caring for an Alzheimer's patient.  She usually knows who people are, if she is able to focus on the person.  She is still a great hugger and likes to give kisses.  If we tell her we love her, she tells us she loves us too.  Mom is still the loving, caring parent and friend that all of us have always know, but now she is losing her personal battle within her own body.

Mom started wheezing again last night.  The hospice nurse came to the house today and told us that it sounds as though mom's left lung is not really working at all and the part of her right lung that still works seems to have pneumonia in it.  After a call to Dr. Eaton to determine if an antibiotic is the right choice at this stage of the game, it was determined that any additional drugs would be inappropriate.  They are increasing the medicine which helps to relieve the swelling around her brain though.  We are hoping the boost in Deximethizone will help to provide her with a clearer mind.

It would certainly be easy for us to complain about the cards we have been dealt lately, from the 15 hour power outage this past weekend that prevented mom's oxygen machine from working, or the fact her hospice nurse has had back to back emergencies in her family so mom has had 5 different nurses in the past week.  It seems to be one thing after another lately but the caring friends we have in our lives are just as consistent as the recent roadblocks.  Many people have brought us food and it has been very helpful to feed the house full of relatives and caregivers on a daily basis.  Friends have brought cases of water, and Kleenex, and in the case of power outages... Lanterns to see, and fans to keep mom cooled down.  We know that we have the best support system possible.

I want to remind you how appreciative my family is for the caregivers in our lives and the wonderful friends who go out of their way to help us take care of the things we can't do on our own.  I have learned a lot about people throughout the past few weeks and I am grateful for the selfless angels around us.

Please continue to wrap us in your loving arms-
Amy

Emotional Week

This week has been physically and emotionally draining for all of us.  On Sunday mom made significant changes and we were all encouraged to come to the house so we could say our goodbyes.  Then Monday came... then Tuesday, etc, and here we are at Friday morning and we are still blessed with her presence.  Although much of her days are spent resting, she occasionally opens her eyes for a few moments and smiles or gives us little kisses.  Those moments are priceless to us.  We are very torn between wanting to have a few more of those special moments with mom, and wanting her to let go and be free from pain.

As a family we have experienced many different emotions this week.  We have also grown even stronger as a family when we sit down to deal with the tough stuff.  Friends and family members have been very supportive, as always.  Some of us haven't left the house since Sunday but we have special friends who have made sure we always have coffee in the mornings and food throughout the day.  Without them, I think it's likely we would forget to take care of ourselves the way we should.

During a good moment on Thursday she wanted to sit up for a few minutes. The sun was setting off of her bedroom balcony so we got her into her wheelchair and opened the blinds so she could sit with her dad and enjoy a special moment.  I have attached the photo above.  Moments like these are very special to everyone right now.

Thanks again for all of the prayers and well wishes for our family.  If you are sending prayers, please pray for strength, closure, and an abundance of love.

Amy

It's Time

Over the past few days things have changed drastically with my mom.  Her coughing got really bad on Friday and that made her breathing extremely labored.  We have promised her all along that when she gets to the point where she feels like she is drowning or suffocating we will increase her medicine so she doesn't know its happening.  That time has come.  As of Friday afternoon hospice increased her medicine so she is heavily medicated and rarely coughs.  She spends the majority of her time sleeping.

Over the past few days she has received short visits from friends and family.  I think the visits have allowed people to have closure at a time when mom is still fairly lucid.  She has expressed her fears, some of which we could resolve simply with our reassurances that things will be fine and her children will be loved.  She seems to have a hard time when she thinks about unfinished business.  She expressed sadness that she won't be around to hold Jake and Megan's baby when it arrives, but everyone has assured her that they will be the best fill-in grandparents around.

There aren't words to explain the atmosphere in mom's house.  These walls are filled with sadness, an abundance of love, and the best caregivers a person could hope for.  Two friends have brought us food to get us through the day so nobody has to leave the house (thank you Lervick and Reid families).  We continue to search for strength at this time of need, but we are filled with hope that mom seems very much at peace with the stage she is at.

As for all of you, please know that my family is very appreciative of the kind words and loving prayers that you continue to send our way.

With love-
Amy

Doreen Update

Things continue to change with my mom.  She meets with her hospice team a few days a week and she really seems to like the ladies who are assigned to her.  They do all they can to keep her comfortable.  She is on a number of pain medicines and anti-anxiety drugs which seem to help when she starts coughing.  Her coughing attacks can happen at any time but they seem to be worse in the middle of the night... often waking up every two hours to the feeling of being suffocated.  It is scary for her, and we all hate to see how it effects her body when she is struggling to breathe.  The reality is, her breathing is very limited these days and she often needs to be medicated just to recover from the painful coughing attacks.  Her comfort, and happiness, is the most important thing for all of us.

We will continue to live life to the fullest and enjoy each day, but we are certainly living with a purpose more than ever.  We will try to do a better job of updating the blog, but you can always call her house if you want to get a quick update on her status.

Thank you for your well wishes-
Amy

On Wednesday we had a special ceremony to celebrate Amy's promotion from Captain to Major. It was an honor to get to be a part of it. Ann McCune had the honors to make it happen. Thank you Ann. It was very special.

Over the past week I've been meeting with hospice nurses and other hospice staff and they are so wonderful.

School started for kids all over Washington this week. Jake has kids in class already, Angie starts with kids next week.

Keep dreaming big,
Doreen

Call 867-5309...

Ok, you're right...that number belongs to "Jenny" (from the 1982 Tommy Tutone song) not Doreen, but if you don't know Doreen's phone number, now is the time to learn it.  (360) 629-4398.  My mom has never turned away a visitor, even when she should.  There have been times when her white counts were low, she wasn't feeling well, or she was simply just too exhausted to talk yet she never tells any of you.  Now, that must change.  As our family transitions into this next phase of the cancer process there will be times when vistors simply won't be allowed in the house.  With that being said, if you are one of the people who stop by without calling ahead, you might see a "No Visitors" sign on the door.  It might be because she isn't feeling well, or it might be because she is out doing something fun, but nonetheless, when the sign is on the door please respect her wishes and come back a different day.

After meeting with her hospice team again today mom has agreed to make some changes to the way she has been doing things.  She has always shared her thoughts with us about end of life care and how she wants things to be handled.  The immediate family has known, but now mom understands that these types of messages need to be shared with all of you as well.  She doesn't want us to "look like the bad guy" when we stop allowing visitors or ask someone to leave the house who isn't creating a comforting environment for the family.  We know her wishes and by now you must know that we will do whatever she desires.

This message isn't meant to be dark and depressing.  Mom is fine.  Nothing is different in the past week.  Sure, her coughing is getting worse, but everything else is the same.  We are not discussing signs on the door to discourage you from seeing her... we just want you to call ahead to make sure the timing is good.  At this point, it's all about mom.  Lots of people want their "Dor time" but Dor only has so much energy.  So... the point of tonight's blog post is to say pick up the phone and call ahead between the hours of 10am and 8pm.  Ten seems to be her wake up time and unfortunately 2 or 3am seems to be her bedtime half of the time, but 8pm is "closing time" at the Schmitt house.

Thank you for understanding and respecting her wishes, and she looks forward to talking to you soon-

Be well-
Amy

More Changes

A lot has happened since the BBQ a few weeks ago.  We knew mom was scheduled to meet with Dr. Eaton on August 10th to determine if she would continue with her medical treatment.  A few days before her appointment she told us she had already made her decision to stop treatment.  She has explained to us that over the years she was usually holding her breath waiting for her scan results, hoping for good results.  Going into her appointments she never seemed to know what to expect.  She has admitted to everyone that recently, she didn't need a scan to tell her that her cancer had gotten worse.  She already knew because she felt so much worse.  Dr. Eaton was happy that mom agreed to stop treatment.  He said although he would like to tell her that her cancer was stable, he knows that it is growing and he thinks it would be "irresponsible" to continue treating her with chemotherapy options.  The chemotherapy is hurting her body, not helping it.  Once mom got past the idea that she was "giving up", she has seemed to be at peace with her decision to stop taking meds and start living life.

On August 10th, mom agreed to begin working with hospice.  As a family, we think that is the right choice.  We had a good, yet brief, experience with hospice last year with my dad.  We will certainly get to know our hospice team much more than we did when they were assisting my dad.  My dad was on hospice for 6 or 7 days.  Mom has told us repeatedly that she intends to stay on hospice for so long they kick her off the program because she isn't "sick enough".  I hope she is right.  In the mean time, we had our first family hospice meeting this past saturday to discuss options.  We feel comfortable with them and we look forward to welcoming them into our lives.

Mom has spent the past few days with Angie and Shannon at the Alderbrook Resort, getting massages and eating good food.  I have spoken with her a few times and it sounds like she is having a blast.  She gets home today and I'm sure she is going to be exhausted... in a good way.  That's what we like to see.

Dreaming Big-

Amy

BBQ Update

So happy to tell you that the BBQ was a whopping success.  We had over 150 people stop by to say hello.  What a joy it was for me to see how many friends and loved ones we have surrounding us....even with a last minute invite.  I'll post photos of the event as I get some.  Thank you to everyone who attended and those who sent messages that you couldn't make it.  A special thanks to my high school buddies and my old boss, Piccolo, who stopped by a few days before the party to celebrate in private. 

I just had my deck refreshed...new railings, new decking (where it was needed) by my neighbors Larry and Mike.  What an awesome job they did.  Call me if you need any work done, they come highly recommended.  Now I just need a paint job an I'll be good to go.

I'm adjusting to the fact that my lung capacity sucks.  I've been using the scooter at the grocery store, a wheelchair to get into the Storm game, I try to avoid stairs unless I'm going down.  All these changes seem to be making my breathing easier.  It's hard to give up the freedom I used to have but if I didn't make these changes soon, my body would have done it for me.  I have so much help around me that I'm never without someone lending a hand to make a job easier for me.  Blessed, I tell you.. Blessed.

Wednesday is a big doctor appointment day.  We'll be deciding whether to continue with the Tarceva or not.  I'm ready to be done with it.  No changes. Nothing is improving.  Just more chemicals going into my body.  I think I'm ready to just let my body have a rest and follow the course that was meant for me.  Not giving up, just following a new path.  I want to feel as good as I can, for as long as I can and if that means living on hopes and prayers then that's the path I'll follow. 

I love you more than all the friends I have in my little green book,
Big Dreamer Dor

Schmitt BBQ Scheduled for Sunday July 31

Hello Friends! We set a date and time for the Schmitt Family/Friends BBQ. It is scheduled for next Sunday July 31 from 3:00-7:00 pm at my home in Stanwood. I will provide a variety of foods and some drinks but ask that you bring a lawn chair and your sunglasses because I have requested sunshine that day. Let's hope my wish is granted! If you need directions to my house, have additional questions or simply want to confirm that you are coming to the party, email one of the girls. They are much quicker to reply to your emails!

Angie: Ajschmitt12@gmail.com

Amy: Amyzoe@hotmail.com

See you Sunday!

Dreaming Big,
Dor

It's Real

Real sick of cancer.  Real sick of being sick.  Real sick of hearing about sickness.

There.  I got that off my chest.  Now let's talk about the REAL stuff.  We all know that I've been the luckiest lung cancer patient around.  I've had more kinds of treatment than any of Dr. Eaton's other patients.  We've used every possible chemotherapy drug available at SCCA to keep my cancer from growing.  With that being said today's scan showed the cancer is progressing (now more in my right lung...in the past my left lung has been the worst).  So, we are going to give Tarceva another month to make a difference and if it doesn't work then I will go off it and my medical treatment will be over.  Today was the first time Dr. Eaton mentioned Hospice and we all gasped at the word.  Sounds life ending doesn't it?  Or, if you look at it from my perspective, perhaps life will just begin again for me.  I won't have to worry about scans and results.  I will just get to live my life with my friends and family doing all the things I love to do.  When my time is up (and none of us knows when that might be) I will have said and done all the things that are important. 

I took the kids out for lunch today after my appointment (though no one was very hungry) and we talked about having a Schmitt Family Summer Open House one day soon so I can visit with any and all of you who make a difference in our lives.  Keep watching for more details.

Don't be sad about this news.  Be thankful.  Thankful that I've outlived my prognosis.  And...remember, I don't listen to statistics anyway.  It's math and I don't do math.

Love you more,
Dreaming Big Dor

Golden Rules

1. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

2. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

These are some of the basic rules of life we learn when we are in kindergarten, if not before.  We are taught to play fair and treat others nicely.  Well, lately, cancer hasn't been playing by the golden rules.  It certainly isn't treating my mom the way it would want to be treated.  It isn't playing fair, and it certainly isn't treating others nicely.  So, with that being said, my mom is referring back to the rule, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Over the past month, my mom's cancer has begun to get progressively worse.  Her coughing has gotten to the point where she is often leaning over a toilet hoping she would cough up lung fluid but on occasion has found that the deep coughing has lead to bouts of vomiting and pain.

Although her lung scan isn't until next week, we would be naive to think that her lungs are "stable."  She feels worse and sounds worse.  Twice she has made a comment to me about being scared sometimes when she can't breath and how she feels like someone is going to find her dead from hyperventilating and suffocating.  Although I hope she is exaggerating slightly, we all know that it has to be extremely scary when you can't get enough oxygen.

Due to feeling so much worse, Dr. Eaton has started mom on Tarceva again.  It was the original drug she took in April of 2006 and it worked on her for 30 months.  Obviously they stopped the drug for a reason in 2008, it wasn't as affective as it had been in the past, but at this point Tarceva is her only option.  So, Tarceva it is.  The hope is that Tarceva will have some affect on the cancer cells that are new since 2008 and have never seen Tarceva.  At this point she is willing to try anything that will bring her some relief.

She had a follow up appointment with her gamma knife/brain doctors this past Monday.  They told her that nothing has shrunk since her last surgery, or if it had, there are new ones because she has the same amount of spots in similar areas.  When she asked about going back in for surgery they told her that she is only a candidate if her cancer is "stable" below the neck.  At this point, she doesn't qualified for another gamma knife surgery unless the tumors begin to affect her eye sight or speech.  They would go into her brain again if that were the case because they would want her quality of life to be better.

So, as you can see, the month long break from writing on her blog is probably well deserved.  My mom has a lot on her mind and lots of emotional things she is trying to get thru.  Overall, mom is still mom.  When she is feeling well she is still as funny as ever.  She has gotten out of the house a few times recently to have fun with friends, take a trip to Desert Aire with Angie and I over the 4th of July weekend, and visit Jake and Megan at their house for dinner.  She is living in the moment and focusing on the things that bring her joy.  If you are one of those things, you might want to consider giving her a call and making her smile.

We hope all is well with you and yours-
Amy

Hi Friends :)

Not much happening, but I thought I'd write a blog just so you know I'm still around.

My head gets better everyday (I usually wake up with a headache that is easily relieved by Tylenol).  I can't believe how quickly the brain heals after it's been messed with.  I still cough everyday but that's old news that I've been living with for over 5 years.  What's another 5 years? 

Amy is laid up at home with a bad neck.  I'm not sure what she did to hurt it so much but she's been in bed for a day and a half on ice, muscle relaxants and ibrupropen with no apparent relief.  I hope she starts feeling better soon or she's off for an MRI.

Jake is applying for a job with the La Conner School District as a first grade teacher.  He's really hoping to get the job so we're all excited for him.  He and Megan are getting ready to visit their new puppy for the first time in about a week so I'll probably be posting some photos soon.

Angie is looking forward to her summer vacation so she can spend more time with Susie (my grand dog) and attend all the Seattle Storm games.  Janeen and I will meet up with her many times this summer and go to the games as well.  Now that they live in Edmonds, there are all kinds of fun things to do to keep her busy.  

Kelly has left me for the week...she's gone to Mexico with her family for a much needed vacation.  :)  Hope she's having a great time.

Father's day is just around the corner...Though it's a sad time for us without Rick here, I must say that my DAD is one of a kind.  He has been such a help to all of us over the years and never asks for anything in return.  If your Dad is still around, please remember to tell him how much he is loved and thank him for the countless ways he has been there for you without even knowing it.  I know I'll do my best to give my Dad all my love on Sunday and every other day.

Love you more than all the flowers in bloom,
Dor

Brain Update

Good news...I have brains.  I know we've all been worrying about that for quite some time, but I have a bunch and they all seem to be working (ok, that might have been an overstatement). 

Last Thursday, I had the most amazing procedure done on my brain.  I know I've told you a little bit about it, but to be a recipient of it was unbelievable.  When I arrived at Harborview at 6:30am they explained the procedure, had me sign some paperwork then started the preparation.  A neurosurgeon came into my room and injected my scalp and skull with a numbing agent to help with the pain of the screws being inserted into the skull itself.  The shots to the skull were equally as painful or close to the pain of the screws that attached a head stabilizer.  After the numbness started, he used a screwdriver and attached this apparatus with 4 long screws.  After that, I had another brain MRI with this headgear on to help them determine if they had identified all the tumors.  In fact, they found 7 tumors all together (4 of them were quite small, but new and growing none the less).  After about an hour and a half with the neurologists and neurosurgeons evaluating my pictures, they came up with a game plan and the procedure began.  I went into the gamma knife machine for 97.3 minutes and the entire process was done with the use of radiation and a computer.  My doctors were in another room while it took place.  My family was proud of me for being a trooper that day.  No tears, or whining, or screaming.  Just peace.  Peace that we would find a way to get these buggers before they grew anymore.

I'm one week out and I feel great.  Two of my screw sites are still a little tender, one hurts like heck when I cough so I hold my head tight when I feel a cough coming on.  Other than that, the wounds look like mosquito bites.  I won't really know for a couple of months if the procedure worked, but we'll be checking every month to see how things are progressing. 

When I think back 5 years ago having just been diagnosed with lung cancer, I could not have imagined all the amazing works of medical science that would have helped save my life. I am forever grateful for the opportunities I've been given. 

Looking forward to attending opening day of WNBA STORM  basketball tomorrow.  The team will be awarded their championship rings and we all get to be a part of the action.  Janeen and I have season tickets (right next to Angie) so we're looking forward to a summer filled with hoops and friendship.  GO STORM!

As always, DREAMING BIG ~
Doreen

Time for an update....

So much has been happening, let me get started.

As most of you know, I've been taking a break from chemo for the last 2 months.  I wasn't recuperating as fast as I should have so Dr. Eaton and I agreed that it was time to let my body rest.  A couple of weeks ago I had a CT scan of my chest and it showed no new growth in my lungs (even though I haven't been getting any treatment).  As you can imagine, I was overjoyed.  The only problems I complained about were more frequent headaches and my vision is blurry some of the time.  Dr. Eaton ordered a brain MRI to check things out since I hadn't had one in 6 months or so.  The MRI came back showing that the tumors in my brain were growing and a new one had reared it's ugly head.  It was decided at that time that I would go see a neurosurgeon at the University of Washington.  That appointment was today.  Here's what I know about my brain.  Dr. Rockhill (my brain doc) sees 4 spots in my brain that need to be destroyed.  So, next Thursday I'll be going to Harborview for a procedure called Gamma Knife where they will screw 4 bolts into my head with stabilizers to keep my head from moving and shoot 192 beams of radiation at each of the 4 spots.  Before I go in for the actual radiation, they will give me another MRI (with really small slices of the brain) to see if they can locate any other unusual areas.  If so, they will gamma knife those as well.  All 3 of the kids went to the appointment today to listen and ask questions.  We all agreed that this is the safest and best solution for me at this time.  (They are going to try really hard not to destroy any of my good brain matter since that doesn't work all the time anyway)  OK, enough about cancer.

After the appointment, I took the kids out for lunch and for pedicures.  They had all taken the day off to go to the doctor's visit so I thought they could use a little treat.  Even Jacob joined in the fun willingly.  He wasn't too embarrassed (he was the only guy in the place).  More men should get their feet done...

Kelly and I have been working diligently getting ready for Relay for Life.  The theme this year is Stampede against cancer so we're working on our cowboy theme.  We're looking forward to seeing all our friends, family and fellow survivors.

This past weekend, 8 of us girls who graduated from Stanwood High School got together over at Desert Aire.  We had a blast.  My dear friend Cindy (who also has a house over there) was the hostess for all of us.  The food, fun and friendship was immeasurable.  I can't wait to do it again next year..and the year after that...and the year after that (if you get my point :).  My best friend from high school, Kathi, stayed with me at my house and we talked about life all weekend long.  It wasn't a kegger, but that didn't stop the party from being dull.

Amy has moved into the townhouse she bought on Beacon Hill.  I got to see it last Monday and it's adorable.  She is on the hill right by a park that overlooks Safeco and Quest fields, Elliott Bay and the city of Seattle.  She loves the location for both of her jobs.  I'm really happy for her.  Now if the rest of her furniture would get delivered :)

Jake's knee is healing very well after his accident on the basketball court.  He and Megan are getting a new puppy.   The dog is a yellow lab and his name will be Mac.  I'll post photos once he's born.  I keep telling them I watched Marley and Me...but they tell me not to worry.  Their doggy will be in obedience classes as soon as he's old enough.  Good luck kids...

Angie was named "Teacher of the Year" at her school.  She just attended a dinner put on by the Marysville School District to honor the teachers from each school who won the award.  I'm really proud of her.  If you had a chance to see her teach, you'd be proud too.

I hope I got you caught up on my "One Life to Live" saga.  We're all doing great. According to Dr. Eaton's orders... I only do things that "BRING ME JOY".

Always dreaming BIG,
Dor

Happy Easter

I woke up this morning to a beautiful sunny sky, the smell of fresh cut grass (thanks to my neighbor boy) and a smile on my face.  It doesn't get much better than this.

I had a wonderful week in Spokane (I rode over with Amy who was working there all week) visiting with my friends Bob and Dy and just spending quality time with Amy each evening.  We ate at Amy's favorite restaurant, the Elk, twice while we were there.  She could have gone there each night but thought that might be overkill.  I spent all day Wednesday with Dy and we had a great visit. 

Tomorrow I'll get to see all the kids and I'm really looking forward to that.  Enjoy your day with your families and I hope you find lots of Easter eggs.

While doing work around the house this morning, I noticed this magnet on my fridge.  I hadn't read it in a long time and after I did, I thought...you need to share that with the people you love.  So, my advice for the day:

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.

And my contribution....Dream Big.
Love, Dor