Thursday, September 9, 2010

Mixed emotions

My doctors visit started out fairly routine.  "Blood pressure, fine, temp fine, by the way the clinical trial you've been waiting for finally opened up yesterday....."  I was so excited to hear the great news.  This is the trial that is suppose to work well on people who had success with Tarceva, and we all know that Tarceva was my middle name for 2 and a half years.  All of this sounds so promising, so you ask "what's the problem?"  Although I've signed all the paperwork for the trial and everything looks good, if my cancer has not grown at all in the past couple of months, I can't be a candidate.  Only people with cancer growth can join the trial.  I know it will be awesome if the cancer has not grown at all (that's what we're always wishing for) but if I miss out on this trial now and the cancer starts growing in 2 months...the trial could be closed to new participants by then.  I now that sounded like a bunch of jibberish so in a few words it means....I need the cancer to have grown (JUST A LITTLE) so I don't miss this opportunity.  I can't believe I've even said those words but in the cancer world, timing is everything.  I'm scheduled for a new CT scan next Tuesday so they can make their decision about me.

I learned yesterday that Jordan Nursery (a local plant farm in my town) is naming one of their new varieties of fuchsias after me.  So, next year you can buy a "Doreen" and hang me on your porch if you'd like.  It is light pink with a white middle and  magenta pokie things in the center.  On the 25th and 26th of September they are having "Bloomfest" (or something like that) so people can see all their varieties of fuchsias and Martha Washington geraniums for next year.  Mine will be on display that day too :)

I'm fighting a  headache right now so I think I'll go put my jammies on and call it a night.  Thank you for all your love and prayers.

Dreaming Big,
Doreen

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