4 beautiful years....

Today was my 4th year cancerversary.  I can not believe that 4 years ago today I was diagnosed with this dreaded disease and I'm still here to complain about it.  I want to be Dr. Eaton's longest living survivor so expect to hear about this again next year.

The past few days I've been fighting a fever.  Last night, Angie and Shannon took me to the emergency (doctor's orders) to have my blood checked for signs of infection or if my temperature was only on the rise because of the chemo on Tuesday.  It seems that I have some kind of infection (maybe sinus) so I was put on an antiobiotic for the next 5 days.  I'm hoping they will do the trick and I can try to get back to normal.

Actually, I'm not sure what my new normal is these days.  I miss Rick more than I can explain, nighttime is always the worst part of my day.  We always used to crawl into bed and touch our feet together as a sign of endearment.  Now, I get into bed alone (except when one of the kids comes over) and I have no feet to touch.  Sounds like a silly thing, but it happened every night.  It was as natural as brushing your teeth.

Today was also my dear friend Cathy's birthday.  Happy Birthday my older but loveable friend :)

If I'm feeling good when Dave and Val leave this week, I'm going to ride over to their cabin in Plain, WA and stay for a couple of days.  I have other friends (the Schemenauer's who will be over there this weekend and agreed to take me back to Stanwood).  It will be nice for Jake and Megan to have some alone time in the house without me. 

On Wednesday, my baby boy will be 25 years old.  I know he's not a baby anymore and these past 2 weeks he'd really proven what an amazing young man his is.  He has been a rock for our family.  His dad would have been so proud of his work around the property this past weekend.  He mowed, weed whacked, sprayed all the weeds with round-up and planted some trees we received from friends in honor of Rick.  It was beautiful weather and he worked from dawn to dusk.  The yard looks great!   I think I'll keep him.

Today when some friends were over we talked about how much Amy looks like her dad.  From her hands, to the way she crosses her legs.   Apparently, we don't always notice things like that until we lose someone.  I think the kids all love it when people notice things they do or say that remind them of their dad.  Forever I didn't get credit for being their mom because they all looked just like their dad.  Over the past few years however, I'm starting to get a little credit (I think people say that just out of pity:)

I've been wearing Rick's wedding ring on my thumb and it's amazing how much peace I get out of feeling it on my hand.  He just feels nearer and dearer to my heart.

I'd better get to bed now.  It's one o'clock and I need my rest so I can take a little trip across the pass with my friends later this week.

Dreaming Big,
Doreen